Enliven

Emily (U.S.A.)

(Writing experiment)

Original:

Advanced measurement and verification methods allow accurate, jurisdictionally-specific research to be easily and quickly performed with high rigor for thousands of buildings, replacing theoretical estimates from secondary sources.

Revised:

Using our proprietary computer program we gathered and filtered energy data for thousands of buildings, demonstrating how calculations using live information streams remain relevant over time and across regions.

(Reflection)

In the Mix in Metaphor module, we learned to identify implied, subtle, and mixed metaphors, and explored the power of metaphor to affect the perception of the reader.

In working on a conference abstract for this module, I came to appreciate how earlier modules came into play to support the use of metaphor — such as Story where we looked for elements of storytelling, Poetry where we practiced using concrete language, and Be Dramatic where we learned to avoid ‘zombie words’.

After a few revisions using concrete metaphors like gardening, I love how my abstract more efficiently and directly conveys our project goals and ideas in about the same number of words with less jargon! Although I ultimately removed some of the more overt ardening-specific metaphors, the abstract now conveys the meaning of the work to a general reader in a more interesting, accessible way.