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maggie (u.s.a.)

[reflection] 

I’m really trying to go from my default “academically objectively telling” mode of writing to bringing narrative portions of my book more “to life”. This week, I revised a paragraph I was not happy with (just seemed BORING in the way I wrote it) by trying to use better verbs and moving the reader along a bit more with the sentences.

My observation in these revisions, is that my writing becomes longer, rather than shorter. I don’t know if this is good or bad! I certainly don’t want to lose the reader by being to wordy, but I also want to make the prose interesting.

[Writing experiment] 

Original:
In 7th grade our class read The Miracle Worker, a play based on the relationship between Annie Sullivan and her student, Helen Keller, who became deaf and blind as a child. As part of the unit, we learned the sign language alphabet, staged a portion of the play, and watched a movie adaptation. Through every activity, we discussed and wrote. Discussed and wrote. I like that we did both. Empathizing with Helen’s frustration to not be able to communicate, I was an intrigued by how Annie Sullivan figured out how to decode language for her. Hellen Keller would become the first deaf-blind person to receive a Bachelor of Arts degree. She also published several books, essays, and speeches.

Revised:
In 7th grade, our teacher designed a unit around The Miracle Worker, a play focused on the relationship between Annie Sullivan and her student, Helen Keller, who became deaf and blind as a child. Engaging in a series of memorable assignments including learning the sign language alphabet, staging portions of the play, and watching a film adaptation. Through every activity, we discussed and wrote. Discussed and wrote. I like that we did both. I quickly empathized with Helen’s frustrations with communication. How would I have felt to be unable to communicate with others? How frustrating! How completely horrid. I would likely be as volatile and misbehaved as Helen. I was equally captured by Annie Sullivan’s patience and persistence in working with her difficult student. I gasped when I watched Helen connect the feeling of water on her hands to Annie’s signing of the word “water” into her palm. A portal into communication opened, Helen entered with gusto. Not only did she graduate from university, but she inspired many with her books, essays, and speeches.